Hillary discovers her old My Book About Me and begins to question the book's significance.
Hillary discovers her old My Book About Me and begins to question the book's significance. Did she really march to the beat of her own drum as a kid, like she remembers? Or did she choose the status quo by filling out the pages of this store bought book like everybody else?
My Book About Me is a book written by Dr. Seuss and RoyMckee.
Learn more about Dr. Suess' Anti-Black and Anti-Asian Published Work:
Rashomon is produced and hosted by Hillary Rea
Music in this episode is by Liz Delise
Theme music is by Ryan Culinane courtesy of the Free Music Archive
This episode of Rashomon is sponsored by Tell Me A Story, a communication consulting and coaching business that trains entrepreneurs, leaders and change makers to use the art of storytelling as a powerful communication tool. Learn more about working with Hillary 1-on-1 in one of TMAS' Crafting Your Narrative programs.
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, please share with a friend. You can listen to all of our past seasons from our Simplecast page.
Hillary [00:00:00] My first class as a teacher of storytelling did not take place in a stuffy fluorescent conference room at Pricewaterhouse Cooper, though that would come later. Instead, it happened every Saturday with a bunch of first and second graders, all of us sitting in a circle on the floor together, fidgeting, excited, blurting out unsolicited noises and occasionally peeing in our pants. Well, I didn't do that. Not that I need to tell you that or try to convince you otherwise. But yes, first and second graders pee in storytelling class. The class was called Story Crafters, I did not come up with the name, I was hired by a theater company to teach. But looking back, it was the best name / the best class for me to teach. And not because I run a company where I teach storytelling to grown ups, that would come later.
Hillary [00:00:51] But for this reason, when I was in first and second grade, I loved to make up stories and write them down and act them out and pretend that I was a cooler, more supernatural version of myself. I could be a character in my own imagination and put that down on paper and believe that anything was possible.
Hillary [00:01:16] I gave homework to my little Story Crafters, I may or may not have done this because I went to a school that didn't believe in homework and I wanted to believe in homework. Plus, this was fun homework: bring your imaginations back home with you and do something with them.
Hillary [00:01:33] My favorite assignment was the Create Your Own Character activity, we typically read books that were written for kids by adults and we acted out the stories and transformed into the already existing characters living in those pages.
Hillary [00:01:48] The Create Your Own Character homework assignment was their chance to create someone new and to come in ready to share this creation and bring it to life. When telling the kids about this homework, I stressed that they were allowed to create whatever character they wanted and they could create it in whatever way they wanted and just show up to the next Story Crafters class ready to share what you pulled out of your imagination.
Hillary [00:02:17] Story Crafters semester after Story Crafters semester, every single kid would come into the class with a drawing of their character. They would show the drawing and explain the drawing and eventually pull some costumes out of a giant Tupperware box and act out what was in the drawing. Sure, every kid had created a unique character, but even when brought to life, they felt 2D and ended up being more or less the same when you broke down every monster, wizard or princess.
Hillary [00:02:47] There was one Story Crafters semester, where things were a bit different. It's the Saturday where everyone comes in with their Create Your Own Character homework. We're all sitting in a circle on the floor. No one has peed and almost everyone has their character drawing on a piece of paper in front of them face down, waiting for the big reveal.
Hillary [00:03:08] There was one girl I wish I could remember her name, she didn't have a piece of paper in front of her and she was shifting around nervously looking at everybody else's. But I could see that she had something behind her, something she was debating whether or not to share. Picture after picture, every kid talked through their character, gave the name, their personality type and special powers if applicable. We're going around the circle and we get to that girl, the girl without the paper in front of her. I ask her if she wants to share her character and she looks back at me with true fear.
Hillary [00:03:50] But she reaches behind where she's sitting and she grabs what was there, a shoe box. She pulls it out, holds it up in front of her. It's covered in glitter and construction paper, very under the sea, but also very futuristic. She lifts up the lid of the box and pulls out a doll. It used to be a Barbie, you could tell, but she had fully painted it in deep aqua sparkles and gave it an asymmetrical haircut and handmade costumes.
Hillary [00:04:20] She opens her mouth to start talking about her character, and she bursts into tears. She shoves the doll back in the box and continues to cry. I don't remember exactly how I handled the situation or what I said, but I'm sure I started spewing lines out about, oh wow, she is so amazing and what a beautiful way to do the homework assignment. But whatever I said did not matter. She couldn't hear me through her. Gasps and sobs.
Hillary [00:04:49] And here's the thing. No one else in the class was making fun of her for doing the assignment differently. The kids were kind. And I'm not sure that these six and seven year olds even understood what was causing her to freak out. They were just ready to act out their characters and bring them to life.
Hillary [00:05:07] And here's where my memory of that girl's experience fades away. I'm guessing she stopped crying, I'm sure we moved on to the bin of costumes with all of the kids tugging on what sequined flapper dress they were going to throw on top of their t shirts, leggings and decorative crocs.
Hillary [00:05:25] And though the girl's name and the what happened next have faded from my brain, I still think about her often and I'm still worried that this experience led her to live her life without trusting her uniqueness. Did her imagination become her enemy? Did she ever use it to create something else that was special to her and special to anyone who had the privilege of experiencing it? By this point, she must be in college and maybe she's an artist, an actress, a costume designer, or maybe she's an accountant. Who knows?
Hillary [00:06:00] I don't remember that girl's name. I don't really remember her face, but I do remember exactly what that sparkly sea goddess from the future looked like as she emerged from her shoebox palace. And when this memory comes into my mind, I am the one holding her because that girl might as well have been me.
Hillary [00:06:43] You are listening to Rashomon, a podcast where one family tells every side of the same story. This season, I, you're a producer and host, Hillary Rea, tell every side of my story - from the story I tell myself, to the story others tell about me, to the story that I want to tell you, dear listener.
Hillary [00:07:10] In kindergarten, my parents and I went on one of our weekend trips to New York City and for the first time we went to the Statue of Liberty. We went inside, climbed up into her crown, and once we descended, my parents bought me a crown of my own made of sea green foam.
Hillary [00:07:25] When it came time for Halloween, I wanted more than anything to be Lady Liberty. My mom made me the costume a long, green drapey dress. A construction paper and cardboard torch for one hand and a book of laws for the other. When I showed up to school in my costume for the Halloween parade, my fellow kindergartners were fairies, princesses, Batman, firemen and quote unquote bad guys. I was the only Statue of Liberty and I remember being really confused by this thinking, why didn't anyone else come up with this idea? She's absolutely the coolest.
Hillary [00:08:14] The parade was school wide and everyone lined up by grade, grouped together by type of costume. My teachers Anne and Jeff asked me if I wanted to lead the line with my torch lighting the way for everybody. I remember saying, no, I didn't want to go first. I didn't want to stand out. I didn't want to be the only Lady Liberty in the school's multipurpose room. So they suggested, option two, that I stand at the end of the line shepherding all of the princesses and superheroes during our procession. I agreed and after our procession, we arrive in the multipurpose room and we are supposed to go up category by category, showing off our costumes with all of the first through eighth graders watching.
Hillary [00:09:00] There was no category for Statues of lLiberty. I was the only one. And somehow I mustered up enough courage to march to the risers alone, I stood up on them while everyone else was sitting out on the floor and all I could see was a sea of fairies, princesses, Batman, fireman, and quote unquote, bad guys.
Hillary [00:09:31] I continued to march to the beat of my own drum from choreographing and performing interpretive dances to They Might Be Giants album Flood to naming my feet Fibby and Capwell and creating an entire universe for them and myself to explore.
Hillary [00:09:47] A lot of my creative world building happened in my alone time. However, when I was around friends, it was hard not to be lured by the bright, shiny objects that everyone owned and played with. Garbage Pail Kids, Rainbow Bright and Glow Worms, crushed velvet "Blossom" hats, a scrunchie collection, and American Girl dolls. I begged my parents for all of these things and received a lot of what was on my wish list, I would carry my Kirsten doll over to a friend's house to play with other Kirsten dolls and some Samantha's and Molly's.
Hillary [00:10:25] I know my timeline is a bit jumbled, but somewhere in this era of my life, the book My Book About Me circulated through my friend group, my friends and I were 11 ish and someone brought it into our fifth grade class, perhaps for show and tell. I have vivid memories of someone flipping through their book and me peering over their shoulder. And I was in awe. It offered prompts, checklists, a blank space to draw and a whole other assortment of fill in the blanks that would create a story about whichever yours truly took on the task. It looked easy, fun to do. Plus, it was a shared experience for all of us. Soon every kid in my fifth grade class had a My Book About Me. It's important to note that I did go to a small school and every kid means somewhere between eight and 12 children. But I know it was popular beyond the walls of this tiny elementary school.
Hillary [00:11:25] I needed this book. All I had to do was fill in the blanks and I would have an entire memoir? Sign me up. Sure, going along with the grain and adding my own version of this book to the pile would contribute to the shared experience of my fellow fifth graders, but I was also really competitive.
Hillary [00:11:49] I remember thinking that I could make the best My Book About Me in My Book About Me history. I would wow everyone with my answers and spend the next show and tell sharing my life story. I'm not sure I believe that my life up until the age of 11 was more monumental than my classmates. I just had enough confidence to know that I was one of the best, perhaps the best writer in the class.
Hillary [00:12:16] I begged for a copy of this book. I do recall a bit of resistance from my parents, but I had persistence and the advantage of being an only child. And soon there was a copy clutched between my tiny hands.
Hillary [00:12:32] And that's where this memory ends. Did I create a masterpiece and did I share it with the rest of the My Book About Me crew at school? Who knows?
Hillary [00:12:50] Last March, my mom handed me a small shopping bag. Inside were two books: My Book About Me and a book that I had written completely on my own. Once I had that bag. I sat on the floor of my office eager to flip through both books, but jumped to the My Book About Me first.
Audio Diary Hillary [00:13:10] My Book About Me, the cover says you paste your picture here, then you write and draw your book about yourself. I did not put a picture on the front and it says "by me myself with some help from my friends, Dr. Seuss and Roy McKee." "My name is Hilary Jane Rea." I filled in Hillary Jane Rea. And then the book says, "I don't care if you like my name or not. That's my name. It's the only name I've got."
Hillary [00:13:39] I was shocked to discover how boring this book was. The prompts were things like how many forks are in your house, trace your hand, choose what you want to be when you grow up from this list of both regular and unrealistic things. And on top of it all, my book about me is a Dr. Seuss book, and this creates a whole other set of issues.
Audio Diary Hillary [00:14:02] "First of all, there is one thing you should know about me. Am I a boy or am I a girl? Well, I'll tell you, I am a girl." I wrote girl, and that's... Alright... Already this book is so problematic, like having the context of, like, everything I've learned about Dr. Seuss over the last month or so and then how binary this is.
Hillary [00:14:27] Producer Hillary here. I know I'm wearing multiple hats, but my voice sounds the same. But I wanted to interject the story for a moment because I must admit that until very recently, I was ignorantly unaware of the blatant racism of Dr. Seuss, a.k.a. Theodore Geisel, and it was in a good portion of his children's books as well as his other work. And it had me grappling with whether or not to even talk about My Book About Me in my podcast this season. But I made a choice to go forth with it. And in addition, I'm going to leave some resources in the show notes of this episode if you want to learn more about... Yeah... What he did and his racism and the accountability or lack thereof that has happened since.
Audio Diary Hillary [00:15:15] I am five foot one and a quarter inches tall. Now, this confuses me because I can see I've erased, I have erased things. It looks like at one point I wrote I was four nine. So clearly I'm growing. That feels really tall for ten. If I did this when I was ten. I also have a... There's like eraser marks. This is all written in pencil. So there's a chance I updated this book over time.
Audio Diary Hillary [00:15:45] "My hair looks like this." Oh, OK. Problem solved. I started when I was 11 and then I've added an update that says "when I was 13." So clearly I updated this later. That's hilarious. And so it gives all sorts of like hairstyles and colors to choose from and then a face to draw. I don't remember my hair looking like that, but I guess it did.
Audio Diary Hillary [00:16:14] OK, "I trace my hand." I'm now my 13 year old self is telling my 11 year old self that the hand tracing is my hand at 11. OK, cool. Thanks. Tween future, Hilary.
Hillary [00:16:32] There was absolutely no way that my My Book About Me could have been the best one in the entire school because it was impossible to have a best My Book About Me, every single my book about me was exactly the same.
Audio Diary Hillary [00:16:49] And then the choices were, I'm a very good student. I'm a soso student. I am awful. I wrote, I'm a very good student. Confidence was not an issue. "Here are some more interesting things about me..." I claim I have read 10,000 books at this point in my life, either at 11 or 13, and I don't know if that's true.
Hillary [00:17:07] Sure, there were slight variations, but whether my family had five forks or eight forks didn't change the story from one kid to the next. We all blended in to one forgettable narrative.
Audio Diary Hillary [00:17:21] There are twenty three forks in my house? Now that seems... I mean, maybe that's true, but that's insane because there are only three of us. How in the world did we accumulate or did my parents accumulate twenty three forks?
Hillary [00:17:35] Ah the forks. I was sure that what I put down in that book was exaggerated for the sake of having the best My Book About Me. But then a few weeks ago I was at my parents house and counted the forks in their cutlery drawer. And twenty eight years later I can confirm that there are 23 forks. Not one more, not one less. 23.
Audio Diary Hillary [00:18:02] "When I grow up, I want to be..." Oh, and it looks like I crossed out writer and I wonder if I crossed that out at 11 and then added in these things at 13. But actually, this looks like all there's no erasing, just crossing out. And it looks like my 11 year old self handwriting. And so it looks like I crossed out writer and I said movie star / director. Oh, interesting, so then on page 58 and 59 it says, "I like to write stories, here is one I wrote." And I left it completely blank. And it's not because I didn't like to write stories, it's because I published them separately.
Hillary [00:18:48] OK, now back to that small shopping bag that my mom gave me last March. Remember, there were two books inside: My Book About Me and a book that I had written completely on my own. So that second book, it turns out I had written an actual book about me a year prior to begging my parents for the store bought one.
Hillary [00:19:08] The other book is exciting. It's filled with stories worth telling and discovering this book again gives me all the more reason to continue marching to the beat of my own drum.
Hillary [00:19:31] Rashomon is produced and hosted by me, Hilary Rea, music in this episode is by Liz Delise. Liz's band, just released an EP with Sheer Luck Records. I will leave all of their info in the show notes, including the link to their incredible music video for the song Nobody. I've seriously listened to the song a hundred times already. Not joking. It's incredible. And if you love jumpsuits, there's also an incredible jumpsuit in the music video.
Hillary [00:20:02] This episode of Rashomon is sponsored by my company Tell Me A Story - a communication, consulting and coaching business that teaches multi passionate entrepreneurs, mission driven leaders and committed change makers how to use the art of storytelling as a powerful communication tool. To learn more about how I work with folks like you, visit https://tellmeastory.info and click the "Work with Hillary" tab.
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